January Blog
“Does Faith Require Forgiveness?”
by Clark Young
It would only be a guess on my part, but I would estimate that I have successfully exercised forgiveness over a thousand times. I’m not talk about someone cutting me off in traffic or having a person squeeze ahead of me at the grocery store. These experiences are a tad bit more personal where I have had to evaluate the perceived wrongdoing and the person to which I am asked to forgive. The seven-times-seventy equation has been in my conscious thought processing far too many times. For most situations, I believe I have reached the forgiveness threshold numerous times.
When I was younger, I was quick to judge and slow to understand why it was important to forgive. In contrast, these life situations were likely to be rather petty. I must admit that someone, maybe my parents, were necessary conduits to my ability to reconcile my differences with other people. As I reached my teenage years, the ability to process human conflict rested more on my shoulders and required me to prioritize between resentment and relationships. Once I was old enough to start working, it was me, and only me that was responsible for filtering the forgiveness process.
Choosing forgiveness is not an easy task. For if it were easy, we’d dust off the dirt and keep walking forward. They say that you can forgive, but you probably won’t forget. This sage advice gives the impression that there is a fork in the road between forgiveness and forgetting what happened. Is it possible that one can forgive, but not forget? From personal experience, I would say they are a package deal. To heal the relationship, both forgiveness and forgetting must take place.
But what if you don’t want to forgive someone? What if they aren’t sorry and don’t feel like they owe you an apology? Recently, my brother and I had a falling out on vacation. Most people, including me, take great detail in planning how a trip will provide the proper amount of rest and relaxation. Two days into a 8 day trip things didn’t go so well. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time we’ve been conflicted. At this time, I don’t want to forgive my brother. Furthermore, salvaging a relationship with him isn’t in my best interest. We have spoken since the vacation, but no real resolution has transpired.
Does faith require forgiveness? What does God want me to know about the relationship with my brother? Is it possible to be able to forgive, and not forget? Is my faith on “temporary hold” until I can forgive? Will heaven await me despite my holding a grudge? Is forgiveness a two-way street and what happens if my brother doesn’t think he has done anything wrong? Do I forgive seven times? No, seven times seventy seems like a mountain I choose not to climb.