As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement, they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.” -Luke 8:23-25 (NIV)
God’s presence was with me, even when I couldn’t see Him through anxiety and depression. It was these times that I couldn’t see past my troubles. This wasn’t a brief bout with challenging situations and moments. It wasn’t short-term stressors that lasted a week or so. I’m talking about clinical depression and significant events that I couldn’t shake the level of debilitating anxiety. If there were times when I should have leaned on God and the promises found in our Christian faith, I was surrounded by my own thoughts and doubts. I literally couldn’t shut things off.
People try to be encouraging and make the suggestion to bring your burdens to God through prayer. It’s a rationale recommendation, but try as I may I found that I was well over my head. With the greatest of hindsight and meaningful reflection, I knew that God – or something bigger and higher than my self was with me. Among the people in my corner were my parents, good friends and a variety of clergy. Some were pastors from the church I belonged or attended – other were relative strangers – chaplains at hospitals where I was being treated.
Almost embarrassing to admit, was my delayed response in finding God when I needed Him the most. Today, I have the understanding that many people are facing depression/anxiety similar to what I experienced. God has done some amazing things in my life, and I can’t help to think others are feeling lost in their unique circumstances. Unfortunately, I believe that a person has to navigate the waves and windy conditions before they can see God as a life-changing resource. The isolation and loneliness found in depression and anxiety lacks the ability to compare yourself with others based on the level of faith one possesses. Would I be able to handle things better if my faith was stronger? What do other people do when faith disappears during the storms? Did God recognize how bad I was struggling? What was God’s plan for me through all of this?
While it is my hope that God is as near as I hoped He was, I find that I get wrapped up in worrying about life situations far longer than I would like to admit. Why is it that I can’t go immediately to God for relief? When things are stressful – I worry; when things are going well – I lack the direction to give God praise. When I have a healthy dose of hindsight, there I find God where He has always been. I know God will find me in due time, but I am still working on finding God before life unravels on me. If you are experiencing one of life’s turbulent times, seek God because He is there. Believing is the most powerful when you can see Him working in your life among the storms.